Were you a Glass Child?

You may have heard the term Glass Child from somewhere and not know what it means.  You may have heard “glass child syndrome” as well.  This isn’t a diagnosis, but really just a colloquial term that was created to describe many people’s experience growing up with a sibling that has some kind of special needs due to a disability or chronic illness.  It’s called “glass” due to the idea that people often look through or don’t pay as much attention to the child in the home who does not have a disability.  It’s not because they don’t care, it’s because a child with special needs needs so much !

Growing up with a sibling with a disability probably feels normal to the sibling because it’s what they’ve always known.  But at the same time it can also feel not normal - not like everyone else.  Even if it was your “normal” it doesn’t mean that it didn’t come with challenges.  But as an adult sibling a person might not be aware of the lasting impact the experience has likely had on them.  I am not here to cast any blame on parents and families who are raising or have raised a child with a disability along with their siblings.  There is no room for that.  It’s a challenging experience to be a parent in it’s own right, and having one or more children with a disability or chronic illness adds to the challenge.  Parents do the best they can with the resources, resilience and support they have, and usually do a great job.

In my blogs on this topic I will use the word Sibling to describe the adult who grew up with a sibling with special needs.  As an adult sibling (grown up now and reflecting back) you may remember many trips to hospitals, clinics or emergency rooms.  You may remember challenging behaviors from your brother or sister (and may still be experiencing them).  You may remember missing out on things you wanted to do or be a part of, but there wasn’t room to even ask your parents to participate.  You may remember not wanting to invite your friends over to your house or preferring to go to a friend’s house instead. You may remember feeling very protective of your sibling, and other times wishing they would disappear.  You may remember having strangers stare at your family when you were out in the community and being angry or embarrassed.  These are a few of the normal experiences for a Sibling.

The thing to know is that you are not alone !  As of today, the CDC reports that approximately 28% of U.S. adults live with a disability.  Likely those adults with disabilities have siblings themselves who grew up with them.  It may be surprising to learn that cognitive disabilities are the most common disability in the U.S. (this includes conditions such as dyslexia, ADHD, autism, traumatic brain injury and various forms of memory impairment).  It can all get a bit confusing, all these terms !  Developmental disabilities affect physical, learning, language or behavioral areas and often include cognitive, intellectual and physical issues.  Other kinds of disabilities include challenges with mobility or independent living, hearing and vision loss or impairments, or limitations with self-care.  In terms of our discussion here of Siblings, we also need to include having a sibling with some form of chronic illness - so we are talking about disabilities, but also special needs that come with chronic illness.

For today the final point I’d like to make is that sibling relationships play a major role in many families and for many individuals.  Whether those relationships are smooth sailing or fraught with challenges, they are typically the longest relationship we will have with another person in our lives.  In the case of being a Sibling of a family member with special needs, you find yourself in the position of the person who picks up the baton from your parents, of determining ongoing support and care for your sibling with special needs.   That’s a huge responsibility, often challenging but also rewarding.

Today’s blog is intended to introduce this topic and help readers begin to understand that there are unique challenges and emotional complexities siblings may experience growing up alongside a brother or sister with a disability. Future posts about Siblings will cover explorations about: the ups and downs of being a sibling; the sibling experience; common feelings and challenges; sibling’s unique opportunities.  And who knows what else as this unfolds.

Thanks for reading !